Musings of the Smirking Taoist: Oriri Ex Cinere

In the bitterest of time I am now standing here with you,

Looking over my own shoulder, never quite sure what to do

How inverted should I bend, should I grovel? Should I lose?

Is there something in your soul that may be prompting you to move?

That would beckon you to stand, that would drive you now to rise

That would push you somehow past your self-destructive compromise

That would plant within your heart the tiniest of little seeds

To make you see it is ok to reach out, filling your own needs.

I see you lay your own soul bare to come to someone else’s aid

But the ones who need you most are standing lonely in the rain

Praying prayers they don’t believe unto a god they know is fake,

Praying you will come to see the stupid chances that you take.

It’s like you cannot be convinced that you are one who really matters

You will let them take your life and tear it slowly into tatters

Never seeing those who navigate the dreams your falling shatters

And ignoring all the rocks on which you know they will be battered…

When I try to speak to you, you act like I’m the one to blame.

I rise in anger to defend you, I’m accosted by your rage.

This contemptible paralysis that holds you like a cage

Looks to me to be the door for the escape it contemplates.

And yes, I know you have some demons that are eating at your mind.

And yes, I know the battles you have fought are bigger far than mine.

And yes, I’ve tried to sit back patiently, I’ve tried to give you time

But I swear to god you’re running and you’re ‘bout to cross a line

So how the fuck can I fill all the roles in which I have to delve,

And dig the ore to make the metal of the man I need to meld,

Build the life to rise above this little condescending hell.

I can’t fight for you if you won’t fucking fight now for yourself!

And I must ask myself how far it is I’m willing now to go

Shall I place my own in danger, shall I give away my soul?

To accommodate this sick, sadistic need you seem to hold

To deface your own existence, offer penance to the world?

It brings me boiling up in anger, being forced to such a place

My love for you is stunted, shadowed by the sick disgrace

Watching one I hold so dear willing to walk in such a place

Open eyed and ever heedless, give yourself to needless fate.

I want so bad to grab your shoulders, hurt you as I shake and yell

Looking at the things you take in, swallowing a dose of hell…

You will sit and meekly eat the shit they pile upon your plate

But when I say you deserve better it is my words you won’t take!

And I’m afraid a time will come when choices will not be your own

When I will have to turn my back on you and save my flesh and bone

When I will have to stand and say I will not offer up, condone

A willingness to sacrifice the very marrow of your bones.

And I fight against the time that darkened day may finally come

And I steel myself against the pain, I will my essence numb

I try to cultivate the hope I learned so long ago to shun

Rage grows swiftly now within me and I know I’ll be undone