Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Ruminations of a Tired Cupid


And so the man, the voice, the entity sat,
Sipping a tumbler of brandy, turned inward,
Lost in thoughts his own, for lack of better conversation elsewhere. 

Around him the mild chaos of the lives of men tumbled and purred
And frittered about.  So pathetically endearing, the little people, who ask so much
Who offer so little.  Who place their constrictions upon themselves and then,
When circulation begins to slow, fret and wallow in their imaginary chains.

So mild, the little people.  Like carrots that are convinced they are really peppers.
They strut about, wearing their finery and being lousy in salsa, though they dare not tell it….
They speak to the man as if they know him, as if they have a box for him, as if he would fit.
But he does not fit. 
But passing, now and again, he sees it true.  There, crossing at the crosswalk. 
She is no young one, nor is he.  Together they walk. Knowing, familiar.  That is it.
Just there it is, that lovely thing just touched a stranger’s arm and he shook imperceptibly.
They will go back to their lives again but that was it as well.
And those two, they are gazing, hungry but not for the sandwiches of this cafĂ©. 
They came in together. They leave, hands clasped with purpose and faster than they came in,
They will burn themselves down and move on in weeks but it is real, just the same.

The man smiles into his glass and thinks.
Time does not constrain it.
Rules are sneered at by it.
It seeks the counsel of none.
When it is, it is right.
When it isn’t, sometimes it is still right.
It can be tempered strong as steel, fragile as a snowflake.
With a knowing glance at these, the little people, the man finishes his drink,
Gathers his bow, his arrows and off he flies, smiling all the while….

Reading Poetry to a Lover


Reclining into my chair I take in the room,
This room, not decadent, not a presumptuous room.
It is simple, comfortable, this room.
Lit dimly by the warm glow of lamps, of firelight. 
The couch is deep. Pillows cover it and embrace her.
Opening the yellow, crinkled pages I settle back, aware of her repose.
Aware of the casual way she lounges, gazing at me with lids low,
Gazing as I turn the page and speak.
This room, this quiet room resonates as I pull words from the page and release them,
My voice a vaguely annunciated rumble, the tiny sounds of my lips touching,
The pauses as I raise the glass and wet my throat. 
Immersed in the words, taken in by the shadowy nuance of verse
I travel here, there.  She travels as well.
In my periphery I see her as she watches me.
Her mouth open slightly, neck craning imperceptibly to capture the subtleties.
The flowing robe sits loose on her, a pleasant silhouette against the couch,
Breathing, at ease as I drift through the delicacies of syncopated speech,
Flowing along the meandering paths of a poem. 
Now and again I elevate my gaze to rest on her twinkling brown eyes, half closed but watching still,
Watching my lips as I speak, seeing the motions of my hands as I turn the pages,
Feeling the air as it pulses with the phonetic trappings.
My voice drops in uttering the final stanza. 
A comfortable and contented silence fills the room, this room.
It is not the silence of loss, nor the pain of ending. 
It is the silence of being complete.
I raise the glass, soothing the parched lips, throat.
She slides her head back onto the pillows, closes her eyes and releases a luxuriant sigh,
A sigh of ease. Contentment. 
Basking in the benign apathy of her countenance,
I raise the glass again, taste the easy bite
 and close my own eyes for a moment.

Neuro-Fibro-Mitosis


Lurking in the shadows you can feel it waiting there
A clandestine sensation waiting for a chance to tear
A sinister and sickly voice that knows to smell your fear
A killer rush and phantom waiting till you’re not aware

And as the delicate waves muster it offers a warning song
The icy fingers trace the paths of flesh and nerve and bone
And though it has not stricken you anticipate the pain
And clench the fist and teeth know resistance is in vain.

Perhaps it would be better to tear off offending part
To rip from your body and let healing finally start
But impotent you sit and wait, knowing the time is near
And with the slightest fire the wave touches your primal fear.

A slow motion explosion, ripping, tearing of the bone
Red hot hydraulic cylinders expanding, up they grow
Convulsing pulses of sensations full of fire and heat
And boiling terror grips, body rigid head to feet.

In time the fog will lift and it will fade into the din
Of ten thousand synapsed messages that scream but cannot win

Oriri Ex Cinere


In the bitterest of time I am now standing here with you,
Looking over my own shoulder, never quite sure what to do
How inverted should I bend, should I grovel? Should I lose?
Is there something in your soul that may be prompting you to move?

That would beckon you to stand, that would drive you now to rise
That would push you somehow past your self-destructive compromise
That would plant within your heart the tiniest of little seeds
To make you see it is ok to reach out, filling your own needs.

I see you lay your own soul bare to come to someone else’s aid
But the ones who need you most are standing lonely in the rain
Praying prayers they don’t believe unto a god they know is fake,
Praying you will come to see the stupid chances that you take.

It’s like you cannot be convinced that you are one who really matters
You will let them take your life and tear it slowly into tatters
Never seeing those who navigate the dreams your falling shatters
And ignoring all the rocks on which you know they will be battered…

When I try to speak to you, you act like I’m the one to blame.
I rise in anger to defend you, I’m accosted by your rage.
 This contemptible paralysis that holds you like a cage
Looks to me to be the door for the escape it contemplates.

And yes, I know you have some demons that are eating at your mind.
And yes, I know the battles you have fought are bigger far than mine.
And yes, I’ve tried to sit back patiently, I’ve tried to give you time
But I swear to god you’re running and you’re ‘bout to cross a line
So how the fuck can I fill all the roles in which I have to delve,
And dig the ore to make the metal of the man I need to meld,
Build the life to rise above this little condescending hell.
I can’t fight for you if you won’t fucking fight now for yourself!


And I must ask myself how far it is I’m willing now to go
Shall I place my own in danger, shall I give away my soul?
To accommodate this sick, sadistic need you seem to hold
To deface your own existence, offer penance to the world?

It brings me boiling up in anger, being forced to such a place
My love for you is stunted, shadowed by the sick disgrace
Watching one I hold so dear willing to walk in such a place
Open eyed and ever heedless, give yourself to needless fate.

I want so bad to grab your shoulders, hurt you as I shake and yell
Looking at the things you take in, swallowing a dose of hell…
You will sit and meekly eat the shit they pile upon your plate
But when I say you deserve better it is my words you won’t take!

And I’m afraid a time will come when choices will not be your own
When I will have to turn my back on you and save my flesh and bone
When I will have to stand and say I will not offer up, condone
A willingness to sacrifice the very marrow of your bones.

And I fight against the time that darkened day may finally come
And I steel myself against the pain, I will my essence numb
I try to cultivate the hope I learned so long ago to shun
Rage grows swiftly now within me and I know I’ll be undone


And yes, I know you have some demons that are eating at your mind.
And yes, I know the battles you have fought are bigger far than mine.
And yes, I’ve tried to sit back patiently, I’ve tried to give you time
But I swear to god you’re running and you’re ‘bout to cross a line
So how the fuck can I fill all the roles in which I have to delve,
And dig the ore to make the metal of the man I need to meld,
Build the life to rise above this little condescending hell.
I can’t fight for you if you won’t fucking fight now for yourself!
For yourself….

Choices

What is it that effects us
That indelibly corrects us
That consumes us and directs us
From this place the yonder nexus.

Simplest and bland decision
Causing alchemy and fission
Generating fate, collision
Possibilities, a million.

For today we make small choices
Reach and pluck out random voices
Listening to all the noises
One now opens, one now closes.

One was left there in Nairobi
There was one who did not know me.
One who could not move so slowly
As the blood of creatures lowly.

Paths that veered to things I wonder,
One to podiums of thunder.
Things that ripped my soul asunder
Found the tree that I hid under.

I recall intimate laughter
The proximity that mattered
Questions that my mind did scatter
Feeble gestures meant to flatter.

There was one benign deception
My Chevrolet, her fair complexion
A little child that went unmentioned
I only smiled at all her tension.

Looking now through all those seasons
Altercations, all the reasons
I cannot fathom the deeds when
In these fields I planted seeds in,

So in these voiced and low inflections
Passing through life’s intersections
When I change the road’s direction
Is it a good or ill correction?

I don’t suppose I’ll know for sure
To fate I am forced to defer
That mistress so polite, demure
Calls to me with lush allure.

Of course I know I can’t complain
Though tempted I must quick refrain
And gather up my wits again
To stroll the road I’m strolling in.

For I have tasted of such sweetness
And the carnal things that greet us
I know things that kings and priests did
Dim lit lace meant just to tease us.

Though a myriad of pathways
My feet have not the pleasure to grace
I can spend most all of my days
Contemplate each lovely face.

For each one it was that made me
Though my will often forbade me
Letting their seduction take me
Till my good sense did forsake me.

This dirt is not over sacred
My own feet cannot but make it
It’s no great path but I’ll take it
And smile inside, deeply elated...

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Many Minded Man

I am the many minded man
I've many eyes and many hands
I've many feets on which to stands
I've countless ears and countless plans

I've notions, inclinations plenty
Both beginning and some ending
The contradictions oft uncanny
Call me Legion, I am many

The voices I won't claim to know
Though with me they do always go
Though push and pull and seeds they sow
And somehow all have me in tow

I've searched for I and cannot find
The corner where the I does hide
The name in which he does reside
And casts his eye from side to side
And rides upon the rumpled tide
That flies about the mountainside
That leads the mind then runs and hides
When ponder I to identify

So I infer there is no one
Is no father, is no son
There is no chaste anointed one
That binds and finds, unites this pun

I am the many minded man
I've many eyes and many hands
Cavorting in the boundless land
where, groundless, still they all do stand



Monday, October 21, 2019

the muse

subtle and demure she stands just over there
robed in both light and darkness.
her eyes a thousand penned letters
untold longing gazes, songs and prose fit to seduce.
delicate, yes.  a wren singing but quick to flush away.

she is quietly shamefaced in the clearest light.
in the midnight, oh, in the deep black of inky night she becomes afflatus.
through terror, through pain, through longing
she wordlessly draws the congealed emotion and emptiness and sound and bitter light
like a salve pulling putrid effluent from a boil
like exhalation submerged in chains she brushes her lips against mine
and multi syllabic detritus flows, clawing at the soul as it is rent forth.

and the pain of it sears the core with delicious agony
the draining of a wound to make room for more to flow
until it pours unbidden and snakes its cold, alert, searching trail to fingertips
to voice
to atmosphere.

she pulls away then, willing victim slumped, silently weeping,
empty.
she pulls to just out of sight and waits for the void to fill again.
I lay spent, trembling, empty of my soul.
racked with the pain of exposure and purge
and long for her to come to me again.